So here’s the thing, tomorrow I go to hospital to be induced, 12 days overdue. I must take myself off to bed quick smart and have a good night’s sleep what with tomorrow being the day I may well give birth and all that… busy times.
It’s been a funny old day. Knowing that I’m staring labour/birth hard in the face, that it’s really and truly now just around the corner and that all being well my little baby girl will be out in the world sometime in the next 24 (maybe slightly more) hours or so.
I’m not going to lie, this morning I felt completely terrified and overwhelmed at the prospect. Had to have a bit of a cry. And it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what I was crying about. It’s not so much the fear of childbirth and how painful I know it will be – although I recognise it’s unlikely to be a walk in the park. But I think rather I was crying because of the finality of what tomorrow will bring: no more being pregnant – on the one hand great because I can do up my shoes again, on the other sad because I’ll no longer have my precious bubba safe and cosy inside me, feeling her wriggling and squirming about and knowing I’m the only one who can. Suddenly she’ll be out in the world and while that is monumentally exciting and I can’t wait to see her, and share her with David (DH*) and the rest of the family and friends, at the same time the anxiety and anticipation of coming face to face with her and praying that she is healthy and well is just all consuming. It’s too much to bear that anything could possibly go wrong at this the final hurdle, so I just have to think positive and believe that it simply won’t. And if anything does then I guess we’ll just deal with it.
It’s strange too to know that this little person, who we’ve longed for and prepared for, will finally be in our world, in our house, in our lives, terrorizing the cat…
But as I’ve taken the time to process all these strange and somewhat conflicting feelings today I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter what the next day or so holds for us, if we can emerge out the other side with our precious baby girl healthy and happy and home then it will be the start of the most incredible adventure and that’s something neither of us can wait to get started.