Today, I have been sad. Richmond Baby has a cold, it’s not a particularly bad cold, but it’s bad enough that she’s had a snuffly nose and a little cough and her eyes have been a bit watery too. Each time I looked at her little poorly face and she made a little whimpery sound, it broke my heart. And this is a cold….
But of course that’s just it, “nothing to worry about” is no longer part of my vocabulary. I have always erred on the side of worrydom, but now, having become a mum, it’s gone into overdrive and I can see it’s only going to go from bad to worse.
I worry when she cries, I worry when she doesn’t cry. I worry when she sleeps too much and when she doesn’t sleep enough. I worry when she pukes and possets: have I fed her too much? not enough? Is she too hot or too cold? Is she pooing too much or not enough? Really, the list is endless and it started me thinking about something my own mother once said to me about the constant worries she has about my sister and I: “you never stop worrying, no matter what age your children are” – and now, finally, I can understand just what she means.
Richmond Baby is just shy of 12 weeks old and has brought us more pleasure and joy than I could have ever thought possible, but I can see that coupled with that will also be a lifetime of worry… will she get sick, will she be okay at nursery/school, will she fall into the wrong crowd, will she end up a binge-drinking ho-bag hanging out in the park during her teenage years (hopefully not given she’ll grow up in Richmond, but you never know… she might rebel and there are a choice of parks to hang out in…).
I fear I might never want to let her out of my sight, just in case. But, clearly, that’ll impinge on her having any social skills let alone a life of her own, what’s a mum to do?! For now, I shall just enjoy the fact that I can keep her close and accepting I’ll have to tackle each worry as it comes, I’ll try not to be overwhelmed with the what ifs.
Are you a worry-mummy like me? how do you deal with it? or do you just take each day as it comes and not dwell on the what ifs?