Today, as la famille Richmond took a moment to sit on the grass during a lovely afternoon stroll in Richmond Park, I was head-butted on the nose by Richmond Baby. Ouch! I’m assuming she didn’t do it on purpose, she’s a pretty sweet-natured little baby girl, but all the same, it frickin hurt and it made my eyes water. Luckily for me the very kind and supportive Richmond Daddy was on hand to soothe me by kissing it better take this photo:


I’m now clocking up quite a catalogue of injuries hanging out with my baby girl and at the rate I’m going, it’ll remain to be seen whether or not I make it to Christmas in one piece! So far…

  • I get clumps of my hair pulled out on a daily basis – this combined with the amount of hair I’ve been losing postpartum will leave me sporting the Sinead O’Connor look by sometime late November I should think
  • The nose head-butting incident of today is not the only area of my face to have been head-butted by that baby’s bonce… my cheekbones get it on a fairly regular basis as does my general eye/cheek area and that effing hurts
  • One of the most painful injuries I’ve endured has been a sharp pinching of my bingo-wings. Now this is painful for two reasons, one because I have to admit I have bingo-wings, ouch, and two, because it turns out that when baby fingers pinch that bit of skin about 5 cms down from your armpit, it is blinkin’ painful. Ouch, ouch!
  • Finger biting… possibly it was partly my fault because I left the house without a dummy, but when trying to keep Richmond Baby entertained with my fingers, she grabbed my index finger, shoved it in her mouth, and after a brief pause, during which she looked me smilingly in the eye, she clamped down on it with her newly arrived toothy-pegs. OUCH! Note to self, DO NOT FORGET DUMMIES IN FUTURE!
  • Does being puked on count as an “injury”? perhaps technically no, but when your darling daughter vomits into your mouth (yes, INTO YOUR MOUTH!!) then I think you can claim psychological if not physical injury. Ugh and ouch.
  • Daily facial slapping… this is distinctly different from the head-butting and instead involves being slapped across the face and neck by Richmond Baby’s flailing and rather uncoordinated hands. Ouch.
  • Being kicked in the neck/collar bone while rolling around “playing” on the bed. Ouch.

And it’s not just me that she’s abusing…

  • she’s scratched my mum’s nose sufficiently badly that it was pointed out during a facial my mum was enjoying the next day (it’s difficult to keep cutting those nails!)
  • she’s bitten my dad’s nose
  • she’s on a mission to destroy Richmond Daddy’s glasses (and Granddad Cox’ glasses) with a ubiquitous grabbing/throwing to the ground manoeuvre

We all love you very much Richmond Baby, but go easy on us would you?! particularly mummy… I’m wrecked enough without you adding injury to injury! Here’s hoping I make it to Wednesday without a black-eye…

Have you suffered at the hands of your little one? – share your pain..

8 thoughts on “Ouch!

  1. Zachy bit the Greek God(zilla)’s nose once and we couldn’t get him to release! It was awful. He gave me a black eye also from a headbutt to the nose. I’ve also suffered many bites, scratches etc but NEVER vomit in the mouth. That is by far the worst imaginable…

  2. Babies are violent little things! Elfie once gave me a nosebleed by scratching the inside of my nostril whilst I was mid-conversation with a freelance client. It was not easy to style that one out!!!

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