The Worm: A Short Story

Richmond Toddler has always been the chatty type, her grasp of language and her conversational ability at a mere 22 months has always amazed and delighted me in equal measures, but lately she has come out with some comedy comments that have given me a real glimpse into a “kids say the funniest things” future, which I have to say, I am loving already!

Last night, Richmond Daddy and Toddler and I were cordially invited to see in the New Year at the home of one of our very dear NCT friends.  She and her husband had suggested we come over late afternoon for our two little darlings to have time to play, have tea together, watch an episode of Postman Pat, then hop in the bath, drink their milk, and hopefully go to bed without any dramas so that we could then enjoy dinner and cracking open the bubbly to say hello there to 2013: we didn’t need to be asked twice and rocked up at 5.30pm ready to begin the evening’s festivities.

After playing nicely together and enjoying a bite to eat and a spot of Postman Pat – as per the planned agenda – we ran the bath and Allegra got in first and enjoyed a splash about.  Next in was little boy N, who is a couple of days older than Allegra and one of her NCT birth buddies (read, potential future husband :-))

N stood up in the bath for a bit before sitting down to join in with the splashing about, which gave Allegra ample opportunity to look him up and down and come to the realisation that he, well, umm, looked a bit “different” to her…. ummm, particularly in one specific and noticeable area.  You could see that she was having a good look, was slightly bemused, and was processing in her mind what she was seeing, in a bid to figure it all out, but she said nothing and then look away and continued playing happily with the bath toys and reminding me that despite being in the bath there was to be “no wash-y hair mummy, no wash-y hair” – which I was willing to go along with to avoid the screaming abdabs being performed in someone else’s house.  These days we “wash-y hair” about once a week because any more frequent will likely result in a serious breakdown in our mother-daughter relationship.  I digress…

So, the two of them had a lovely bath, after which they were dried, put into their nappies and PJs and dressing gowns, then brought downstairs for a bottle of milk before bedtime. Back downstairs and Richmond Daddy enquired into how the bath had gone.  The conversation went like this:

Richmond Daddy (RD):  “So Allegra, did you and N have a nice bath together”

Richmond Toddler (RT):  “Yes Daddy.  Allegra and N had bath, but no wash-y hair Daddy”

RD:  “oh good, no wash-y hair, very good”

RT:  “no Daddy.  And N had a worm in his bottom Daddy…”

RD:  “pardon?!? N had a worm in his bottom*?!?”

RT:  “yes Daddy, a worm… in his bottom…” *then grabs crotch in move reminiscent of Michael Jackson circa 1983 and Billie Jean*

Cue RD and I falling about laughing in hysterics.

Comedy.

Happy New Year 🙂

*Note: Allegra has assumed (and stands so far uncorrected) that the word bottom can be applied to both your “actual” bottom and your err “front” bottom…

8 thoughts on “The Worm: A Short Story

  1. I am lying in bed reading this on my phone and I just had to read it aloud to Mr E cause it honestly made me burst out laughing. Very funny. Happy new year lovely x

    • ha ha thank you, yes it really was hilarious when she came out with it – so funny how they interpret stuff! am looking forward to many more comedy quotes from my little miss! Happy new year to you too x

    • It is brilliant 🙂 the other morning as we were washing her face she was rubbing her eyes and I asked if she had something in them and she said “yes mummy, bogeys in my eyes” – brilliant!xx

  2. Ahaha, I love this. Certain body parts become pretty fascinating at this age. Being a boy, Arlo is very used to the fact that he has a willy, but the look on his face when the penny dropped that my mum’s dog has one too was absolutely priceless.

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