Thoughts at (almost) 37 weeks

baby number two

This Friday, I will be 37 weeks pregnant.  I will be 37 weeks pregnant, at 37 years of age. The age thing is just incidental, but it occurred to me while thinking about this post that I will indeed be the same number of years old as weeks pregnant, which is worth a note on some level.  Depending on how things pan out – I’m planning/sort of hoping for a natural birth if I go into labour naturally, but if I go up to a week overdue I’ll be likely taken in for a c-section – then I have somewhere between up to 3 to 4 weeks to go before baby number two enters the world and I’ll be thrown in at the deep end of juggling a newborn and a toddler… #scaredfaced.

Increasingly I’m finding my mind is racing with a million-and-one thoughts as “that day” gets ever closer and more real.  Here are just 37 of those thoughts put down on (cyber)paper:

  1. Will I go into labour naturally I wonder, when I didn’t last time? – every pregnancy is different, so it’s entirely possible, but I just can’t imagine it happening to me… will it?
  2. Will I have a natural birth this time instead of the (emergency) c-section I had before? – if so, will it be excruciatingly painful/tear out my “down below” *winces at thought*
  3. If I don’t have a natural birth and this is possibly my last baby, will I feel disappointed that I didn’t get to experience that or will I just accept it and move on?
  4. Will we be as lucky second time around as we have been first time around and have a healthy baby, with no complications and no dramas?
  5. How will I feel when I hold the new baby in my arms? – will I fall in love with her instantly or will I feel weirdly like I’m sort of cheating on Allegra in some way?
  6. Will I have the capacity to love this new baby with the same all encompassing love that I feel for Allegra?
  7. How will I make sure that Allegra never feels pushed out by the new baby and that I can divide my attention sufficiently to ensure that they both get the best from me?
  8. How can I make sure that baby number two gets the most and the best out of me that I have given to Allegra, when back then I only had one child to focus on?
  9. And how do I do that without completely draining the lifeblood from myself every day and forgetting who I am as a person?
  10. Will I remember what to do with a newborn? – when to feed her and how often; what the different colour poo means; how to soothe her with a toddler hanging off my leg
  11. Will I be able to cope with the daytime when in those early weeks/months you spend a lot of time awake in the nighttime?
  12. Will I know when it is day and when it is night…?
  13. Will I end up walking into Richmond town centre in my pyjamas and slippers? – will I even care when I realise that I have?
  14. Will the tiredness overwhelm me and leave me irritable, snapping at everybody and everything, until I hate myself and admit defeat?
  15. How will I cope that first day at home when I am fully in charge of a toddler, a newborn, a challenging and irritable cat… will we all be alive come 6pm?
  16. Will the cat decide living with a newborn & toddler is definitely not something he signed up to, increasingly torment us with continual meowing and attack us in the small-hours with a baseball bat?
  17. Will I once and for all accidentally on purpose leave the backdoor open so our indoor cat has the chance to make a break for freedom (and leave us all in peace…)
  18. Will it be possible to avoid our house descending into a pit of filth and untidiness when I am juggling two children and the housekeeping takes a serious backseat?
  19. How will Allegra fare as a big sister? – she seems very fond of babies, but how will she be when there is a baby in our house all the time, with her mummy?
  20. Will I forget to shower, brush my teeth, comb my hair… will I age overnight…?
  21. Will I be able to leave the house fully dressed with two children, also fully dressed and clean(ish), and travel somewhere, anywhere, beyond the end of the road?
  22. Will I become over-dependant on coffee?
  23. Will I become over-dependant on wine?
  24. Will I self-medicate with Maltesers?
  25. Can I ever see a time when I’ll be able to fit into skinny jeans again?
  26. What if the new baby cries a lot but refuses to take to a dummy?!
  27. What if being at home with two children is so hard and so difficult to cope with that I bring forward my maternity leave and go rushing back to work as the easier option?!
  28. And then realise that work isn’t an easier option and I’m stuck between a rock and a hard-place, but having to juggle work and baby and toddler and home and me…?!
  29. Will I find the time to do anything for my self that doesn’t involve babies/toddlers/ laundry/crafting/cooking/wiping bottoms/bath-time/wiping snotty noses?
  30. How will my relationship with Richmond Daddy fare under the pressure of two children and my generally grouchiness (am anticipating I may well be grouchy, a lot)?
  31. Will I ever get to go to karaoke again before the year 2031?
  32. Can I ever justify buying an impractical pair of shoes again before the year 2031?
  33. Am I inherently a selfish human being for thinking about karaoke and impractical shoes when I should possibly be reading up on attachment parenting….?!
  34. Will Sookie ever stop roaming Bon Temps in the middle of the night in a pastel sundress and wake up to the fact that Eric is the hottest vamp alive (or dead)?
  35. Is it ill-advised to take 20 squirts of Rescue Remedy Night when pregnant when it says you should have 3 (actually doesn’t mention anything about whether or not it is safe to take at all while pregnant, but I’m hoping they’d say if it wasn’t…)?
  36. Should I…. erm… shave or wax before the 25th Jan? – is it more or less hygienic to do so in, ummm, “preparation”? or will the midwives think I’m slutty if I do….?
  37. Is everything going to be okay and will we all make it through 2013 in one piece?!
Tots100 Best Blog Posts by Parent Blogs

19 thoughts on “Thoughts at (almost) 37 weeks

  1. Brilliant post! You will be absolutely fine. I had the same worries but none of them really materialised (except perhaps looking like I’d aged a decade overnight). I self-medicate with Maltesers and drink too much tea, but it gets me through the day. I’m sure there are a million things I could do better, but I’ve learnt to lower my standards a bit and not stress too much. Enjoy your last few weeks of freedom. And don’t forget that, if you do go into labour naturally, it really will be so much easier this time around – you have my word!

  2. It’s amazing how much you can love one child. I really worried when of with 2 that I just couldn’t have that much love for 2! But omg it just does! It’s amazing. I now have 4 boys and am bursting with love.

    Best of luck with the birth x

  3. Your second and first child can’t have the same experiences and whilst your second wont have as much of you as A, your second has more confident parents AND the bonus of a big sister who will entertain her. All swings and roundabouts….

    • Really good point yes, I keep forgetting about the fact that (hopefully) each of them will get a lot out of a sibling relationship – I am so thankful to have a wonderful sister, so to know that I can give that to Allegra and in turn she will be a great big sister to the new baby, it’s lovely 🙂 and I should remember that more xx

  4. You’ll love her as much as Allegra. In fact, there’ll be some things about her you will loveore! And some less… I had the same ‘guilt’ about letting Eloisa down in some way before Luca was born. I’ve learned with 3 now that my love isn’t finite, it multiplies. Xxx

    • That’s really interesting to hear because it sounds like you were in totally the same frame of mind that I’m in right now and it’s really reassuring to hear that it all falls into place and the love is there tenfold no matter how many children you have! 🙂 xxx

  5. Pingback: Thoughts at 37 Weeks Pregnant | Tots 100

  6. I love this post- it definitely reflects some of my thoughts as we embark on our second baby journey. I have a feeling I won’t be able to fit into my skinny jeans as easily as I did last time! My stomach is stretched far too much!
    PS I cant believe you are 37, you still look like a teenager! This is a compliment by the way! x

    • Aaaah thank you, that’s very sweet – good genes perhaps, my mum and dad look a lot younger than their years so hopefully I’ve taken after them, but who knows how I might age overnight in the coming months! xx

  7. Much as I love reading your blog and your daughter is just gorgeous, I can’t help but feel very sorry for your poor cat. It seems like he’s more of an inconvenience than a beloved member of your family, I’ve seen a picture of him and he’s beautiful. There are so many people who would love to take him on and give him the attention he’s probably craving, perhaps demonstrated by his unfavourable behaviour. Please don’t take this as a chastisement and I certainly don’t want to upset you. As it stands, I don’t know you and may be wrong in my assumptions. Like I said though – I am a fan, so please keep up with the wonderful posts and reviews. Allegra is one of the most beautiful little girls I’ve ever seen and you can just see how loved and doted on she is by you both 🙂

    • Thank you for your comment. I will admit that when I first read it, I did feel a bit slighted, but then I reflected on it some more and considered it more objectively. Firstly, thank you for all your lovely comments about Allegra and my blog, and I’m glad you enjoy reading it. Secondly, I just want to assure you that Pigalle (the cat in question),is certainly very loved and very much a member of the family – albeit it a grouchy one! He has been grouchy pretty much from the day we got him, so his behaviour is not entirely as a result of there being a child in the house as before Allegra came along he was very much the centre of our universe (now he’s a bit left of centre but still very loved), he was always a bit narky and would think nothing of swiping someone who one minute previously he’d been lounging contentedly on their lap being stroked and cuddled. Having said that, I could make more effort to give him more attention – a challenge when a toddler (and up until recently a 4-day a week demanding job) takes up most of my waking hours – and so one of my new year’s resolutions for 2013 will be… make more effort to give time, cuddles and strokes, and attention to Pigalle (and try not to take it personally when he swipes at my head!) 🙂

      • Oh dear – I’m so sorry my comment initially made you feel slighted, though I’m so pleased you took it as it was meant to be taken 🙂 Having read your previous posts, I can now see I was mistaken and that Pigalle is very much loved and wanted. I took your comment about leaving the back door open seriously when I can now appreciate it was just meant jovially. I am so sorry for jumping to a negative conclusion – I must learn to stop doing this as it is very unfair for receiving party. On a more positive note, I am so excited for you and your family about your latest addition. I think Allegra will adore being a big sister and I think you’re doing all the right things to make sure feels included. I can’t wait until you announce the arrival of your new little one. If the name Allegra’s anything to go by, I’m sure you will name her something beautiful. Best of luck to you and your growing family 😀

  8. Firstly I’m in shock that you’re 37… you look so young! I thought we were around the same age. Secondly from someone who is still in the early day fug of having two… it is hard BUT personally I don’t feel as hard as having your first. Whereas your first baby changes your entire life the second just has to fit round what you’re already doing.

    Whatever happens it’s obvious you’ll be a great Mum to two and A will be a brilliant big sister! So looking forward to seeing you announce your new arrival! x

I love comments, so make my day!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s