A dirty protest?

Seriously, I’m at the end of my tether.

It’s been happening on and off now for the last couple of months.

It started happening probably about 6 months ago I think was the first time.  Then there was a really bad incident of it and it didn’t happen again until about 2 months ago.  But now it’s happening again with alarming regularity, in fact I am writing this post after the most recent occurrence of it about half an hour ago, and I NEED IT TO STOP!

I needed it to stop as soon as it feckin well started.  But it hasn’t.  It has continued.

And now it’s showing no signs of stopping.

For starters, I’m growing very tired of having to clean up every time it happens.

Actually, let me re-phrase that.  I am SICK TO THE BACK TEETH of cleaning up every time it happens.

We do not have enough spare cot sheets and cot duvets and cot duvet-covers and cot pillows and cot waterproof undersheets to account for the increasingly frequent number of occasions that call on a bedding change and high-temperature wash.

I am also SICK TO THE BACK TEETH of hearing myself say out loud, in a firm and slow (to ensure no avoidance of doubt and maximum level of understanding) voice, with more than a hint of frustration and barely contained anger:

“DO NOT TAKE YOUR NAPPY OFF IN BED”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!

But to no avail.

She keeps on doing it.  Keeps on doing that ONE thing that I have kept on repeatedly asking her (in both good cop and bad cop approaches to the situation) NOT TO DO.

“KEEP YOUR NAPPY ON IN BED”

“DO NOT TAKE YOUR NAPPY OFF BY YOURSELF”

” DO NOT TAKE YOUR NAPPY OFF UNLESS MUMMY OR DADDY OR NONNO OR NONNA OR GRANNY OR GRANDDAD ARE THERE TO HELP YOU”

But no.

Allegra WILLFULLY ignores my requests, my instructions, my begging, my pleading.

I know I am biased, but I would say in virtually all other ways, she is an incredibly intelligent child who understands so much and is capable of so many things.

But with this, no.  She is just not getting it.  Or, she is REFUSING to get it.

I have tried the happy-go-lucky-no-biggie-but-it-would-be-awfully-nice-if-you-could-please-be-ever-so-kind-as-to-keep-your-nappy-on-tonight-darling-daughter-thanks-ever-so voice.  She has ignored it and proceeded to take her nappy off.

I have tried the positively-fuming-mummy-is-very-very-very-cross-with-Allegra-for-taking-her-nappy-off-in-bed-and-daddy-is-cross-and-nonna-is-cross-and-nonno-is-cross-and-aunty-chrissy-is-cross-so-don’t-ever-do-it-again voice.  She has ignored it and done it again the very next evening.  Sometimes even twice in the same evening.

Help me out here people.  I am in the worst kind of poo-smeared, wee-sodden, bedclothes-cleaning, toddler-hosing-down-in-the-bath, kind of groundhog day and frankly, it is DRIVING ME SODDING WELL TO DISTRACTION!

Why oh why oh why oh why is she doing it?!

In fact, I ask her that frequently:

Me:  “Allegra, why do you take your nappy off when mummy says you mustn’t take your nappy off, because you get covered in poo and that’s not nice, it’s dirty?”

Allegra:  “Yeah, why mummy?”

Me:  “Allegra, I’m asking Allegra why?  Why do you do it?”

Allegra:  “Yeah, why?” *said in inquisitive tone of voice as if seeking to genuinely understand why and expect me to know the answer*

Me:  “No, Mummy is asking YOU why? Mummy is asking Allegra why?”

Allegra:  “Yeah, why?” *said in increasingly inquisitive tone of voice, with bemused face as if she fails to understand why I just don’t answer the question and put us both out of our misery*

*I walk away, head in hands in frustration (not before checking there is no poo or wee on my hands*

It used to only ever happen on the odd evening when I’d put Allegra to bed at night.  At its worst, I went in to check on her about an hour after I’d put her to bed to find her lying, butt naked, face down and fast asleep on a mattress smeared with her own faeces.  It was a sight (and a smell) to behold.  After recovering from the initial shock, I optimistically went at her with the baby-wipes, before realising quite quickly I was facing a losing battle and had to wake her up, get her up, and hose her down in the bath.

This was a bad experience all round and she didn’t take off her nappy again for a long time after that episode.  Phew, I thought, she’s over it.

What a fool I was.

For it seems that memory faded and she’s back to her nappy-removing tricks once more.

Only this time it’s happening during daytime nap times as well as nightime bed times.

I seriously do not have enough cot bedding (or patience) (or rubber gloves) (or hand sanitiser) to deal with the possibility of a twice or even thrice a day episode.

I put her to bed and then it’s like a game of Russian roulette.  Do I go in 2 minutes after I put her down, to double check she’s not stripping or already naked and poo-ing or wee-ing in her cot, but then risk disturbing her as she’s about to drop off to sleep and then have to start the whole “no darling, it’s time to go to sleep, it’s not time for row row row your boat or head shoulders knees and toes” thing again?

Or, do I leave it say 15 minutes or so until after I’ve left the room before going back in, when there’s a higher chance she’ll have fallen asleep, but an even higher chance – given the increased time available to her uninterrupted – that she’ll be butt naked, nappy cast aside, lying in a pool of her own bodily fluids or worse.

If I could think of some way to prevent her stripping off and stripping down then that might crack it, but she’s like bloody Houdini.  She easily gets out of a sleeping bag, a vest with poppers at the crotch, and all known types of toddler pyjamas.  Do they make such a thing as strait-jackets for under 5s? – or would that be frowned upon….?

Do I just leave her to fester in her own mess in a “that’ll learn her” approach? – again, probably would be frowned upon and possibly even result in being reported to social services.

Somebody, anybody, tell me what to do?!

29 thoughts on “A dirty protest?

  1. I am sorry RM but I am sat at my desk and can not stop howling with laughter! She is such a little monkey. Have you tried pull-ups at night? Do you think she could wriggle her way out of those? Failing that, I have no idea. Potty training time perhaps??? Wishing you lots of luck for a poop-free weekend xxxxx

    • Ha, well glad it brightened your day!! Granted, I would find it funny were it not happening to me! Have dug out some pull ups and put one on her tonight over regular nappy (as wasn’t sure if pull up would keep her dry all night?) and think we’ll buy some Cinderella pull ups tomorrow to go alongside the new found excitement of potty training. Sigh… When did things get complicated?!? X

  2. Sorry to be laughing my head off at your woes but this is one of the funniest things I have ever read! It’s just the terrible twos, that’s all. They all do their own weird, willful things. For us it is taking my Vaseline tubs and smearing it on hair, on face, on dolls, whatever is within reach. I’m sure Allegra will grow out of it. But in the meantime you may wish to consider investing on more bedding… 🙂

  3. How very naughty! She WILL grow out of it I promise. Not sure what advice I can give other than, it will pass. We had something similar with our eldest P when her sister was about 6mths. She was refusing to go then going in her knickers. Hideous but NOT making a big deal out of it really worked for us. I had tried every other approach up to that point. Now all fine. It will pass. In the meantime, I prescribe a stiff gin x

  4. Maybe it’s time for potty training? Maybe say she can wear big girl knickers but has to use the toilet/potty. If she’s usually an understanding child she may reason with you for this. With any luck it’s a long lasting phase?! Good luck!

  5. Oh my goodness…. I’m laughing….. I know I shouldn’t be! I’d be horrified if I had to deal with this regularly. The little man has done it twice, and at nap time but I think it was because he needed to poo but then wasn’t comfy so took the nappy off when it was filled with poo.
    Now that he’s potty trained in the day, I just put the potty in his room at nap times in the vague hope he’ll just go there should he happen to need a number two at nap time again. But it hasn’t happened. I think he has more awareness and control now, plus he HATES mess at the moment!
    Maybe give potty training a go. At least then she might get it in a potty instead of all over the bed.

    • We have just started potty training and she’s been good at weeing on it but not poo-d so far but it’s only been a few days. I do wonder whether she takes it off because she feels uncomfortable but then there have been plenty of times when she’s taken it off and there’s been nothing in her nappy, so…?!? Who knows?! X

  6. Oh B, you poor thing! Child number two (no pun) used to take his nappy off as he didn’t like being wet or dirty (then went through a poo decorating phase where he would put his hand in his nappy then cover a wall or door) Have you tried sitting her on the potty as part of the bedtime routine? Or cutting her milk down at night? Warm lactose always good at encouraging bowel movement, what about a onside put on back to front so she can’t reach the poppers? Or a reward chart for each ‘good’ night ?Unfortunately it could be one of those things that only time will sort, by which. Time one of you will be in a straight jacket!! Xxxx

    • Oh god Zoey that sounds awful, so far we haven’t had any contemporary artwork poo on wall creations thank god. Some good ideas though thank you, I’ll no doubt try them all until something works (or I crack up and give up, whichever comes first!!) xx

  7. This is hilarious for all the wrong reasons… I’m sure you don’t find it quite so funny though. I hate to say that it probably is a phase as I’m sure for you, just one more episode is one too many anyway. What about trying pants over a pull up? That might puzzle her, but it sounds like she’s a clever one. Or maybe an all in one that buttons half way down her back so it would mean she would need to do some serious arm reaching to get to the buttons..?? I feel for you! xx

  8. Sigh – poor you, I can see how that would be infuriating. I know how frustrating it is when T’baby goes through a vomity phase and I have to have clean sheets ready twice a night. I hope you get deservedly spoiled on Sunday.

    (I wonder if the suggestion above for pull-up nappy – plus a onesie on top – might foil the little devil!)

    • It’s exhausting all this blinkin bed changing!! Tonight we’ve tried a pull up over top of nappy and put her in an inside out sleeping bag so zip isn’t accessible from the outside mwhahahahahaha perhaps that will foil her – so far so good!!

  9. Oh dear!! Poor you. I’d be at the end of my tether as well. My boy went through a phase post-baby 2 when he refused to poo at all. Having been totally fine with all things loo related and fully potty trained, he was suddenly really scared of pooing in particular. It was a total nightmare as he could only resist the force of nature for so long and there was no telling when it’d make an appearance!! It lasted about a month but felt a lot longer! It’ll pass xx

    • Crikey it’s funny (but not funny ha ha!) the little phases they go through eh?! I don’t think this is related to Claudia’s arrival as she was doing it on and off before she came on the scene, just really want to find a way to put an end to it!! X

  10. Hi – I can totally relate to this… we had exactly the same problem with Elizabeth and resorted to a sleeping bag which fastened at the bottom and using a nappy pin to pin the two zips together to the fabric of the sleeping bag. She couldn’t figure it out at all and in fact after the phase had passed whenever we tried to put her to bed without it she kept asking for the ‘nappy pin’! It seems a bit much to have to pin them in but it certainly worked for us – and the nappy pins with safety catch proved too tricky for even my husband to operate on occasions so I think it is safe enough! That said I spent most of the first nap watching her on the video monitor just to be sure!

    • well it’s good to know it’s not just my daughter that’s got this rather annoying habit! I’ve been trying the back-to-front sleeping bag approach and that seems to be keeping her in check for now, hooray! am cracking on with potty training though in the meantime so we can try and get her out of nappies sooner rather than later… although will no doubt take some time before she’s nappy free at night – better stock up on some more bedding then!

  11. Wow! Your daughter sounds like a girl who knows her own mind. Which will be awesome when she is older (perhaps!) but is a downright pain in the ass right now. I can totally feel your frustration. But it is just a phase. Honest. It has to be. And one day in the future she will be doing something much worse and you will look back longingly on the days when all she did was take her diaper off at bedtime and wish that that was all she was doing. Hang in there. It will get better. Overnight. WIthout you even understanding how or why or what happened.

  12. Oh you poor thing. Almost exactly the situation happened with my Godson, funnily enough when his mum had just had another baby. In the end she resorted to putting his sleeping bag on back to front – with the zip at the back and that worked, as he couldn’t get out of it.

    • Nightmare! we are cracking on with potty training but in the meantime I’m now putting A in a sleeping bag back to front so zip is unreachable… mwhahahahaha…. that seems to have foiled her for now! x

  13. Pingback: Naked | Richmond Mummy

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