On missing co-sleeping with my baby girl

Okay so the title of this post is a little misleading.  We never officially did co-sleeping, but in the early weeks/months, baby Claudia seemed never happier than when snuggling up to mummy to sleep at night and while I worried this was the start of a whole host of bad sleeping habits that I would later regret, I (not so) secretly love love loved having her tiny newborn snoozy snuggly babyness next to me and waking up to her little fast-asleep face was just bliss.

Over time though, she got more comfortable sleeping in her moses basket/beside the bed crib and was less likely to wake around 5am and so, I had less reason to take her in to bed with us and in time, the nights/early mornings where she’d end up next to me became few and far between and then eventually stopped.  Then at around 7 months, she moved out of our room and in to her own bedroom.  I have missed her every night since then, even though I know she seems happy and content in her own room and I have the monitor on so I can hear her every zzzz and whimper or cry, if there is one.

At the moment, poor baby Claudia is teething, big time.  Usually she’ll go to bed around 7pm and we don’t tend to hear anything much from her until around 6-7am next morning.  I know, very very lucky.  But last night, around 9.30pm, she woke up and was crying and crying and her nose was so runny and she just couldn’t be settled.  We had to resort to some Calpol in the end and of course teething gel had already been tried, and eventually after about an hour of being awake she finally feel asleep in my arms.

I took this as an opportunity to have her in bed with me for the night.  Well it seemed as good an excuse as any to believe she was better off snug next to mummy than in her own room.  But it was different… Unlike when she was a very young baby and happy to sleep in the crook of my arm pressed up against me, now – aged 8 months – she very clearly wanted her own space.  She was really only happy sleeping next to me but not on me, near me but not pressed against me.

It was so lovely to sleep next to her (no flailing arms and thwacking limbs… Allegra take note for the next time you find yourself wedged in between Daddy and I!) and waking up to see her little face beside me is heavenly, but it is bittersweet to accept that those snoozy newborn snuggling days are behind us as she becomes more of her own little independent little person, who needs her space as much as the rest of us.  Sigh…. why must they grow up so damn fast, she’s only 8 months for goodness sake, surely she should enjoy slightly claustrophobic snuggles with her over-protective mamma for a bit longer still?!?

In the meantime, I’ll just have to gaze at these pictures and remember those snoozy, sleepy, snuggly newborn days, when I tried so hard to capture her little face asleep in the dark next to me with nothing but my iPhone and a bad flash!

Feb 2013

Feb 2013

March 2013

March 2013

IMG_2807

April 2013

May 2013

May 2013

June 2013

June 2013

The photo from back in March is how I best remember sleeping with baby Claudia in those early days.  She was about 2 months old in that photo, it was probably a morning nap on a Tuesday or Thursday, when Allegra’s at pre-school and Richmond Daddy would be at work, and it’s just the two of us at home, spending precious moments together.

I know I have so so so much to look forward to with my gorgeous girl, with both my gorgeous girls, but when I leave certain stages behind (for the avoidance of doubt, potty training does not fall into this category!) it is bittersweet.

8 thoughts on “On missing co-sleeping with my baby girl

  1. That’s something I miss so much too. I loved having BB in bed with me when he woke around 5am but not he’s in his own room and sleeps through. I’m so happy that he does that but really miss seeing his sleepy face in the morning.

  2. This post actually made me cry. I think I am in serious denial about my baby girl growing up. LL seems to mostly end up in our bed around 5am still, although she does sleep through occasionally now too. She won’t sleep on me but next to me and I adore it, I am in no hurry for it to end. And she still occasionally falls asleep on me feeding, but I am always in a hurry to put her down on the sofa so i can get on with stuff. I think one day I should embrace it and let her snuggle there. x

    • It makes me want to cry when I think about it too much! The newborn days now seem so fleeting and it makes my heart ache more than a little to think that the days of having her sleep cosied up to me as a little bubba are now few and far between 😦 I’m the same as you though, if Claudia falls asleep in my arms, I try to take a moment and enjoy it but always in my mind is I need to get on and do things so I rarely just sit and be still and enjoy it – need to do that more! xx

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