Allegra’s top tips for pre-schoolers on driving your mummy around the bend

1. Say no to everything you’re asked to do, ideally say it in stroppy voice for maximum effect.

2. Refuse to sit on the potty in the morning until you’ve been asked at least 15 times.

3. Send your milk back to the kitchen if it’s too hot or too cold,in fact unless it’s “just right” whinge and whine until she achieves the optimum temperature, or frankly she’ll never learn.

4. Reject all clothing suggestions and outfit combinations made by your mum and make all sartorial decisions yourself. Oh and remember, either choose to dress in all one colour from head to toe or go for the clashing prints/patterns trend for true fashionista status to be achieved.

5. Make a dash for it and bolt down the road when you’re out for a walk, if your mum starts yelling after you to stop and chasing you, remember this is all part of the game and laugh in her face and keep running. Love this game!

6. Only eat sausages, mash, beans, pasta, tuna, cottage pie and fruit. Refuse everything else, unless you’re at nursery then I recommend giving the couscous a go as it’s really rather nice, but wherever you are always remember to say no to vegetables but yes to any form of cake or pudding.

7. If your mum is trying to talk to anyone but you, be sure to do something like jump on the sofa, yell loudly in her face, or crawl under the table and bump your head then cry loudly in order to demand her attention and extract her from engaging with outsiders.

8. If your mum is trying to talk to you, just ignore her.

9. When you’re on a car journey and mum is driving and there are no other adults present, slip your arms out of your car seat straps and yell “wahoo mamma, no straps!!!”

10. Make everything the biggest drama you can. Make a mountain out of every molehill. Whether your tights are twisted or your sausages aren’t cut up quite how you like or she has the audacity to peel a banana for you when she knows you like to peel yourself (unless you expressly ask for this one in 10 to be peeled) then adopt full on whiney voice, bring hands up to forehead in dismay, flop onto nearby surface such as sofa/ chair/bed/floor and moan… a lot!

Little girls eh….?!

4 thoughts on “Allegra’s top tips for pre-schoolers on driving your mummy around the bend

  1. Oh my Bianca – just wait for the teenage years!!!! This is all good practice for the door slamming, hormonal outbursts, constant requests for “mums taxi” (with no payment), inability to communicate without using the “god you are stupid” tone oh and my favorite the “Oh GoDddduh” quote!!!!! Xxxx

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